Am still on leave so wanted to let her stay home today but he got up early, made the kid get up who in turn woke everyone in the family. Now they are on their way to school.

I don’t see why she has to go when I’m home. She is only in nursery 2 so no big academic loss being absent! He feels that she will be happier in school with all the activities.

X was a little grouchy when she got up but she also accepted the fact that she needed to step out of the house. We are both feeling resigned. Does it really matter for a n2 to skip 2 days of school?!

X wears the pendant all the time. I refused to remove it even when the school teachers keep urging me to ‘cos they are worried that her classmates might yank it off during play. And then one day, I came back and was told the necklace broke. X twisted it till it broke.

I was upset but couldn’t get it replaced immediately. Then Saturday came, I decided to drive my sister’s car which was just parked next to my own car.

While I was still driving in the car park, X asked me why didn’t I drive our own car. She told me to go back, go drive our car because there was an uncle in it and she didn’t want someone to be in our car.

I tried my best to hush her and told her there was no one in the car. She whined about it till we went onto the expressway.

I bought a necklace and put the pendant on her that very day.

Walked by the children cancer clinic at times and always dread hearing cries. This morning one little boy was crying his heart out. Most likely refusing some treatment cos his father was trying to calm him down and coax him to do something. I hurried into the lift cos I found myself starting to cry. If my mom can open the car door on the expressway threatening to jump out when on the way to chemotherapy then how can the little ones bear it!

Im such a hopeless case when it comes to dealing with these emotions.

620-645am – Wake up after hitting the snooze button many times
645am to 745am – bath, dress, get ready, feed K.
745am to 8am – wake up X and get her ready
8-830am – Send X to school and go work
9am – reach work place
11-1115am – pump milk
12-1pm – lunch
4-415pm – pump milk
605pm – leave work
645-7pm – reach home, feed baby
7-815pm – Dinner @ sis place
830 – 930 pm – Exercise
930 – 11pm – bath, spend time with K and X, put K to bed then X to bed.
11-12am – FINALLY can relax and watch tv
1230 am – sleep

Realise that I don’t get much sleep and that’s making me very tired. But the above routine is already very packed that I can’t see how I can be more efficient. At times I even have to rush K in sucking milk, like tapping his face to wake him up in the early morning. And it will get worse when work load starts to increase and I have to work late.

Sigh, I suppose i can do away with the “Me” time from 11-1230am but then I’ll feel very sorry for myself.

Well, giving birth to my jumbo baby means losing close to 8 kg instantly so of course I have to look slimmer! But to date, I believe I have already shed 16 kg in total and that has definitely got to show.

Though I’m still not down to the healthy BMI weight that I would like to be at, I’m still grateful that I’m now at the weight before I had X. Don’t think it will be possible to go down to the weight I was at when I got married which is about 60kg. I’m thankful for what I have achieved.

Now that I’ve lost some weight, folks seem to feel more at ease in telling me that I was “Not light” after I had X. They told me that after my first pregnancy, I ballooned.

Weight problems have always been a part of my life. Keeping fingers crossed that I can maintain my weight. My new year resolution is to look decent EVERYDAY and not to ever have someone ask me if I’m the granny of my kids.

Work-wise, it has been relatively stress free this week. I’m trying to catch up on what happened at work for the past 4 months in this week so mainly just clearing mails and figuring things out. Didn’t approach my boss to ask if there is anything he would like me to do. I guess that can wait till later.

I definitely miss my kids but am not as worried and emotionally strained compared to leaving X the first time round. I realize that I’m taking a lot of things easy with K. I still do insist on caring for him when i get home and at night but I’m letting the maid do a lot more than in the past. Hopefully K will still be attached to me like his sister. I find that I have a lot less energy and time for him.

It also dawns on me that I’m being nasty and impatient with x ever since her brother arrived. I’m not sure whether it is because she is growing up and thus more mischievous and there are changes in her needs or it’s me who is starting to practice favoritism. The new baby is much more fun to be with? I haven’t figure out why the change in me and how things are with X. It disturbs me at times when I realize I’m not being nice to x.

It’s tiring being a working mom. Even without stress at work, the days are packed with breast milk pumping, rushing home to feed the little one, bathing kids and putting them to bed. And I dont get much sleep whenever x decides to wake me up in the middle of the night or when k needs feeding. That will be my life for the next few years.

A little worried about the little one not having enough breast milk. I haven’t been pumping. Always just letting him latch on. Sigh. Worst case scenario will be to force milk powder on him.

I feel so unsettled. And got to start x again at school as well.

Nevertheless at least we managed to pull off one trip together.