Back to work December 30, 2011
Posted by babysis in Work.trackback
I got the date to return to work wrong so was feeling rather dumb when I got to office. I should be reporting to work on Thursday but instead I’m back on Tuesday. Got laughed at for being too anxious to get back to work. But I suppose it turned out to be a blessing as it means next week I can be around to make sure X gets back to school and starts comfortably into her routine. Am a little irritated with the school though because they told me that the earliest we can start on school bus services would be mid January because we didn’t confirm earlier. I did confirm with the school, but they never told me to confirm directly with the bus company till now. 
Work-wise, it has been relatively stress free this week. I’m trying to catch up on what happened at work for the past 4 months in this week so mainly just clearing mails and figuring things out. Didn’t approach my boss to ask if there is anything he would like me to do. I guess that can wait till later.
I definitely miss my kids but am not as worried and emotionally strained compared to leaving X the first time round. I realize that I’m taking a lot of things easy with K. I still do insist on caring for him when i get home and at night but I’m letting the maid do a lot more than in the past. Hopefully K will still be attached to me like his sister. I find that I have a lot less energy and time for him.
It also dawns on me that I’m being nasty and impatient with x ever since her brother arrived. I’m not sure whether it is because she is growing up and thus more mischievous and there are changes in her needs or it’s me who is starting to practice favoritism. The new baby is much more fun to be with? I haven’t figure out why the change in me and how things are with X. It disturbs me at times when I realize I’m not being nice to x.
It’s tiring being a working mom. Even without stress at work, the days are packed with breast milk pumping, rushing home to feed the little one, bathing kids and putting them to bed. And I dont get much sleep whenever x decides to wake me up in the middle of the night or when k needs feeding. That will be my life for the next few years.
It’s not practicing favouritsm. It’s just the way it is. My friends and I with two/three kids apiece all agree we have favourites amongst our kids. We do our best not to show it and mind you, we love them all. But it is hard. Our kids are constantly changing as they grow and when they go through a difficult period, which I suspect X must be (cos M is definitely there), you just get more annoyed easily. And the youngest is always the best because while they’re still small, they are much less annoying and a lot more amenable. Mine have taken turns over the years to annoy me, so I pretty much expect we are moving into M’s turn right now.
Thank you. It is comforting to know that I’m not alone in this. X gives me sad looks or whimpers quietly at some corner, and that makes me very worried that I might be affecting my kid and scarring her while she is growing up. But at the same time, I can’t help nagging or ignoring or screaming at her when she annoys me.